[At some point during the day, when Raidou knows Yuji is away, there is a soft knock on Choso's door. Outside stands one (1) morose-looking summoner when the door is answered. Though, he is doing an admirable job of standing tall and shoulders straight, as if coming to the door with grim news from the warfront.]
[ where usually choso may have taken his time in answering, this one visitor he hustles to let in almost immediately, already up and at the door before the first knock even comes. Raidou’s wait turns out to be less than a beat long; choso felt him coming a hallway ago. ]
Hello, Raidou. You always may.
[ remembering manners, choso steps aside to allow the summoner entry into yonder room, roombas and all. ]
[He steps into the familiar room, and instead of taking a seat, stands near the doorway.
While he's rehearsed what he's going to say a dozen times in his head, it still take him some effort to begin speaking it all. While he wants to maintain that that dignified posture, he's unable to look at Choso as he delivers his news.]
I'm afraid I can no longer be your summoner. Nor anyone's summoner here. Outsiders are not demons, and as such, I've... I've behaved in a manner unfitting of summoners towards their summons. I wouldn't want to put you in any danger a-as I already have with others. I don't want to cause further harm to others, or further regret for myself.
[He bows now, a deep one of apology.]
I hope that... you'll understand. It's been a great honor to work with you, with Yuji and with Dan Heng in this way.
[While Raidou can usually let go of a connection to his demons back home on his own - sometimes with some push back from the demon, sometimes not - in this case, things are a little different. He's right when he says those here are not demons. They're different, beings with a much different will than those from his home. This has to be agreed to with both parties, it seems.]
[ while choso may be no expert at humans and their foibles, the set of Raidou’s shoulders and the aversion of his eyes speaks louder of the young summoner’s turmoil than mere words alone. so he listens, and he waits, stood back a pace to allow the young man his room to speak. ]
What danger do you mean? Has something happened?
[ blinking, he takes a step forward, arm held out as if to grasp at Raidou’s shoulder, but it’s the left, and the knotted end of an empty sleeve baps softly against the boy’s arm instead. ]
I... Besides when I attacked Yuji, I've also... since, here in the base--
[A quick deep breath. Use your words, Kuzunoha.]
I've attacked others unprovoked. Much like with Yuji in the dungeon.
[He pauses again as he tries to come up with a reasoning that doesn't sound like an excuse.]
It's as if... My mind has not left there. All things moving in the corner of my eye feel like threats, and I've acted in response. U-Until I can... fix this, I feel as if I cannot be trusted. Especially to those who feel demonic in nature to my senses.
[That's not the question Raidou is expecting. Is anyone? He hasn't brought it up to Yuji yet - he's too ashamed too, and figured he can save him for last. Dan Heng would be next, then.
He doesn't know how to answer this.]
No... one's... um. I'm not sure what anyone else could do. I need to... [He trails off, because he doesn't know what the answer to that is, either. A break in the past had helped, but he can't keep doing that. There is too much to be done. When he stood aside to let the others fight, he felt like a coward. But these mission battles aren't good for him, either. Not with all of the issues he has piling up for months now.
I tried hard to maintain a confident, dignified air as he entered, but it's degrading quickly, looking more and more like the lost teenager he is. His voice is almost a whisper, as if said to himself.]
[ it’s easy, sometimes, to forget how young Raidou is. he’s no older than yuji, than nyuu, than denji or bakugo or, ha, even sonic. a year is a long time to live and yet nothing at all, but choso has had 150 prior to understand who and what he is on his own.
he thinks of a man with red hair in a train tunnel, directing him away from twisted steel. he thinks of bakugo, pulling him down to sit in the grass while castle bran burned in the distance. alone he thought he was strong enough, but it took those guiding hands then to show him how lost he was. ]
Well, then, let’s talk. We will figure it out together.
[ so choso reaches out with his right this time, fingertips at Raidou’s elbow as if to urge him along, nudging him gently toward the comfort of a neatly-made bed. ]
We have water, and bottled tea, and senbei. I will get you some.
Ah... [It's almost a noise of protest, but Raidou lets him self be led, and he takes a seat on the edge of the bed. It's natural for him to want to resist, to say he doesn't want to be a bother. But where has that been getting him? Slowly, he's learning.]
Thank you. It's just. I'm not good at-- talking. I'm sure you know.
[Especially about his own feelings. Hard to verbalize things you don't quite understand.]
but in the meanwhile, there choso goes, stepping over and around the puttering roombas so he may rummage through the desk. he produces a green bottle of Something and a crinkled plastic packet in short order, returning with this grand stash to hold both out in his one hand, fingers curled around the bottle’s neck with the packet’s corner pinches between his knuckles. ]
Here. Eating something will help. Have you been sleeping as of late?
[Raidou gingerly takes the items from his hand, setting the crackers aside to open the bottle. He really should eat, but... maybe in a bit.]
Um. Not... well. It's hard to stay asleep.
[With that switch flipped into flight mode, of course he can't stay asleep well. He sleeps better when Yuji is there, but that's too embarrassing to admit out loud. The idea makes him feel a bit spoiled, too.]
It's-- LILITH said there may have been problems with the last sim. I spent awhile in it and felt fine. Maybe it's that. I don't know.
[It's definitely a part of it.]
I don't know how anyone gets adequate rest around here.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
action; 11/03
Choso-san... May I speak with you?
no subject
Hello, Raidou. You always may.
[ remembering manners, choso steps aside to allow the summoner entry into yonder room, roombas and all. ]
Come in.
no subject
While he's rehearsed what he's going to say a dozen times in his head, it still take him some effort to begin speaking it all. While he wants to maintain that that dignified posture, he's unable to look at Choso as he delivers his news.]
I'm afraid I can no longer be your summoner. Nor anyone's summoner here. Outsiders are not demons, and as such, I've... I've behaved in a manner unfitting of summoners towards their summons. I wouldn't want to put you in any danger a-as I already have with others. I don't want to cause further harm to others, or further regret for myself.
[He bows now, a deep one of apology.]
I hope that... you'll understand. It's been a great honor to work with you, with Yuji and with Dan Heng in this way.
[While Raidou can usually let go of a connection to his demons back home on his own - sometimes with some push back from the demon, sometimes not - in this case, things are a little different. He's right when he says those here are not demons. They're different, beings with a much different will than those from his home. This has to be agreed to with both parties, it seems.]
no subject
What danger do you mean? Has something happened?
[ blinking, he takes a step forward, arm held out as if to grasp at Raidou’s shoulder, but it’s the left, and the knotted end of an empty sleeve baps softly against the boy’s arm instead. ]
no subject
[A quick deep breath. Use your words, Kuzunoha.]
I've attacked others unprovoked. Much like with Yuji in the dungeon.
[He pauses again as he tries to come up with a reasoning that doesn't sound like an excuse.]
It's as if... My mind has not left there. All things moving in the corner of my eye feel like threats, and I've acted in response. U-Until I can... fix this, I feel as if I cannot be trusted. Especially to those who feel demonic in nature to my senses.
no subject
Who is helping you with this? We can all talk together to help you.
[ we, not you. ]
I cannot accept this parting of ways until we have found a solution for you, Raidou.
no subject
[That's not the question Raidou is expecting. Is anyone? He hasn't brought it up to Yuji yet - he's too ashamed too, and figured he can save him for last. Dan Heng would be next, then.
He doesn't know how to answer this.]
No... one's... um. I'm not sure what anyone else could do. I need to... [He trails off, because he doesn't know what the answer to that is, either. A break in the past had helped, but he can't keep doing that. There is too much to be done. When he stood aside to let the others fight, he felt like a coward. But these mission battles aren't good for him, either. Not with all of the issues he has piling up for months now.
I tried hard to maintain a confident, dignified air as he entered, but it's degrading quickly, looking more and more like the lost teenager he is. His voice is almost a whisper, as if said to himself.]
I need to figure it out. Somehow.
no subject
he thinks of a man with red hair in a train tunnel, directing him away from twisted steel. he thinks of bakugo, pulling him down to sit in the grass while castle bran burned in the distance. alone he thought he was strong enough, but it took those guiding hands then to show him how lost he was. ]
Well, then, let’s talk. We will figure it out together.
[ so choso reaches out with his right this time, fingertips at Raidou’s elbow as if to urge him along, nudging him gently toward the comfort of a neatly-made bed. ]
We have water, and bottled tea, and senbei. I will get you some.
no subject
Thank you. It's just. I'm not good at-- talking. I'm sure you know.
[Especially about his own feelings. Hard to verbalize things you don't quite understand.]
no subject
[ as much time as LILITH allows, at least.
but in the meanwhile, there choso goes, stepping over and around the puttering roombas so he may rummage through the desk. he produces a green bottle of Something and a crinkled plastic packet in short order, returning with this grand stash to hold both out in his one hand, fingers curled around the bottle’s neck with the packet’s corner pinches between his knuckles. ]
Here. Eating something will help. Have you been sleeping as of late?
no subject
Um. Not... well. It's hard to stay asleep.
[With that switch flipped into flight mode, of course he can't stay asleep well. He sleeps better when Yuji is there, but that's too embarrassing to admit out loud. The idea makes him feel a bit spoiled, too.]
It's-- LILITH said there may have been problems with the last sim. I spent awhile in it and felt fine. Maybe it's that. I don't know.
[It's definitely a part of it.]
I don't know how anyone gets adequate rest around here.